New lease on life

This week has been a long drawn-out affair. I have never been scared in my entire life. Each day has dragged out, with me praying and repeating the mantra "I'm ok, I'm ok, I'm ok."

I made the appointment with my Dr. for Tuesday morning. After meeting with her, she told me she felt that my blood-tinged mucus was a result of my airway being inflammed. A combination of allergies, asthma, and the obvious, smoking. Regardless, thankfully she gave me an order to get a chest x-ray.

Wednesday went for that, and through tears explained to the x-ray tech why I was there. I've been crossing my fingers every hour since. After running errands this morning, I got home a little after noon and there was a message from the Dr's office. I tried calling them back but they were closed till 1 pm for lunch. That was possibly the longest hour of my life. Steph had called and kept me busy for the majority of the time. To make a long story short, I got in touch with the Dr's office again, and I was told my x-ray was "normal"!

I never ever want to go through this again. This was my wake-up call. I obviously can't change the past, but I can determine the future. I can say that starting smoking while a teenager was my biggest mistake ever. I can beat myself up that I chose to lose weight before quitting smoking even though smoking is more dangerous to my health than my weight was. Can't change it. I can only make better decisions now.

I know that I can't prevent everything that may or may not happen. I could get sick next week even if I was the healthiest I could be. I could get lung cancer even if I never smoked one cigarette. There's so much in this world thats out of our control, and thats scary thinking about it.

But from this day on I'm a new person. Monday is my quit date. I know as of now I'm healthy, and I'm making the decision to do my best to stay that way. I know this may not be that big of a deal to some people , but to me it is.

Anyway, TGIF, and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!