Yes, thank you, I'll have some cheese with my whine

I'm in such a bitchy mood! Excuse me while I have some self-pity.

First of all, I gained .4 this week. Just needed to get that out of the way. Its not a big deal, and seeing that its less than half a pound, I'm not worried about it, and I know I'll hopefully have a good loss next week. And I've been so sore since working out on Friday! My inner thighs, my outer thighs, my underarms... I can't think of the muscle name but its the jiggly part! To top it off, my sciatic nerve has been killing for quite a few days now!

What kind of whine/wine would you suggest?

Anyway, I ache from head to toe, just got my period, and things aren't going so well with Chris and I. I'll get a little specific, just because I can...lol He wants sex, and its not that I don't want it, but I have very long days! By the time he gets home at night, I've been up for almost 16 hours, and sleep is the only thing on my mind. Then add in the fact that I need to feel loved and appreciated to want that kind of intimacy. It doesn't help when the guy fails to get me an anniversary card! Thats all I wanted. I don't need gifts, and definitely don't need candy, but I don't think its asking too much for him to take 5 minutes out of his day to pick me up a card. Its not so much the card as the idea that he was actually THINKING OF ME! Ya know? And then before I know it, I'm bitching about little stuff. When I sneeze....oh, did I mention I'm sick too? Anyway, when I sneeze, is it asking too much for him to say bless you? See, the little stuff. By him saying bless you, I feel loved. When I talk to him, I EXPECT him to look at me. Just common courtesy. But for him to appreciate all I do for this family. A simple thank you is enough. Heck, bring me a damn flower off the side of the road for heavens sake! Thats all I need! Am I taking things too critically?

This afternoon I managed to get out of paying for those books I was talking about... one less load off our shoulders. Remember the extra kids I was taking care of before school started? The 3 of them are Chris' sisters kids, and she's had some rough times, and had finally gotten a job, and needed someone to watch the kids. I try to do what I can for family, but since we're pretty hard up for money, I charged her $40 a day, or $20 for half a day... pretty reasonable for three kids, I think. So anyway, she had given me $50 here, and $50 there, and I finally asked her when I'd get the rest...cause we really need it! She told me she'd give me part last week, and the rest this past Wednesday. I never got a call from her, and she didn't stop by. So then, I got an email from her saying that she wasn't going to be able to pay me all she owed me. If anyone knows me, they know I don't like to rock the boat, I don't like conflict, and I like to get along with everyone. Thats just me. But I HAD to speak up! I had paid a shitload of bills, and then to top it off, wrote a check to the Y that was going to bounce unless my SIL gave me the money. So I told her I would need it all and she said she'd bring it by either Saturday night, or Sunday morning. And guess what? She still hasn't shown up! I'm pissed now, and of course it just ADDS to everything else listed above! The Y check cleared, but unfortunately, if the rent check is cashed, we're screwed!

So really, I'm beyond pissed! I don't like to be taken advantage of. I unselfishly gave my last few weeks of summer vacation up to help her out. I went through tons of food, tons of frustration, tons of fighting, and not being able to even go anywhere! And while I understand my SIL has money problems too, I NEED the money! Apparently, my checks have to bounce, so that HERS don't. If she had put the kids into daycare, they wouldn't have let her make payments, but yet its okay to put me off! What the fuck! What do I do? I don't know anymore! Please, anyone....feel free to give me some advice! I really need it!

I'm going to go sit in a corner and pout now. I'll pretend I'm eating chocolate!