Still going

I don't know why, but today was actually harder for me than day 1. All the reading up I've been doing about quitting smoking does say that withdrawal peaks within 2-3 days so I guess that might be why.

I wanted SO BAD to have a cigarette today. I was willing to rip off the patch, and beg, buy, or steal a cigarette from someone. Thankfully, besides people inside the computer, I have alot of people that support me. I broke down crying this afternoon in front of my boss, who happens to be a former 3 pack a day smoker. She encouraged me to keep going, and that it could only get better. I was so frustrated! Some people, or maybe most people, gain weight when they quit. I feel like I'm stuck in a no-win situation. Normally, I would smoke to stop eating, keeping in mind that I'm losing weight. Now, I want to eat to keep from smoking, but I can't. (or I suppose, I won't) I was a nice wife yesterday and got Chris a little "goody bag" with all sorts of munchies and gum, etc since he was having a hard time. But I can't have that chocolate I want. I'm probably putting too much stress on myself. I know it would be healthier to put on a few pounds instead of smoke again, I just don't want my weight to get out of control, and I'm afraid of that happening. I just feel as if I'm taking on too much right now. I was even to the point today where I wanted "just one" drag, "just one" cigarette. I know from reading up on this quitting stuff, that I can't listen to the voice that says that, cause it would end up with me smoking a pack a day again.

But dammit, I want one! This is so hard. I don't know how people quit cold turkey. I'm having a hard enough time trying it with the patch. I do seem to have moments here and there where I actually notice I'm not thinking about it at all. And I know that if I did have a cigarette, the dizzy feeling would have me going crazy too! And to top it off , I'm sleeping shitty. I've been afraid of going without the patch while I sleep, and I knew it could be a side effect, but I'm waking every 2 hours, and the dreams are incredible. But I'm afraid of taking off the patch, and waking up in the middle of the night, craving one. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.

I'm damned if I do, I'm damned if I don't. It can only get better, it can only get better.


Time Smoke-Free: 1 day, 16 hours, 51 minutes and 10 seconds

Cigarettes NOT smoked: 34
Lifetime Saved: 6 hours
Money Saved: $4.50