Decisions, decisions, decisions

This past Wednesday while at our therapy session at Rushford, Ryan's therapist threw a curveball at us. She told us (after him being there for 2 months!) that she doesn't think this program is enough for him. He's not progressing like he should be and seems to be "stuck". She actually told us that he seems to be stuck just like Chris and I. So basically, because we aren't solving our conflicts that he isn't either. I don't deny that our relationship may be hurting his progress, but I also feel that if the program was working for him, he'd have more progress than he's had.

I definitely don't expect miracles. I knew that Ryan's problems have been years in the making, and that it would be unrealistic to expect a quick turnaround. But at the same time, he's spent 5 days a week, 3-4 hours a day at this place. Therapy everyday, group and one on one. I personally think that if the program is as good as its supposed to be, he'd be making more progress.

Then his therapist recommended that we volunteer through DCF for a program thats more intense and longer....9 months to a year! First of all, I really don't want to be involved with DCF unless I have to be. Several years ago the school reported our family to them because of false accusations that Ryan made to a guidance counselor at the elementary school. Completely false, but it didn't stop DCF from being involved in our lives for a year. We finally got past it and I don't want to be involved again.

Also while meeting with the associate principal at the middleschool, and making plans with him for 6th grade for Ryan, it was suggested as a possibility that Ryan be listed as Special Ed. He'd be able to get more services through the school and have more support. I'm just as against that,because I don't think he should be classified that way. He's an extremely bright child, just has a problem with peer relationships. And we all know kids can be cruel. And its something that would carry through till his senior year in highschool. I just don't think its the route to go.
But I have made plans to meet with the 6th grade team to discuss Ryan and possible problems that might come up in the year. I've suggested to the principal that he meet with Ryan every Friday to go over the week and offer him some positive reinforcement. Ryan's also old enough this year to go the rec center afterschool. He already knows he'll be able to go based on his behavior at school, and getting homework/projects done. And...as far as his progress reports...he's always been one to get "needs improvement" on dealing with others, respecting others feelings, etc... so we're going to work with him to get that mark up to "consistently". I plan on rewarding him some way, still need to figure that one out. But I'm trying.

I feel like I'm doing all I can to help my child yet I'm failing as a mother. I'm unsure what to do about Rushford. He's supposed to be going for another month, but if its not helping then why should he go? Why should I spend $120 a week for him to miss school and go to this place where he's not making any progress? On the other hand, I don't want to pull him out without a backup plan. I think possibly that this place isn't right for him. Maybe he needs a different therapist. Maybe this, maybe that. I just don't know. Also the meds. Is it the meds that is improving his disposition or the therapy? There are some good changes in his behavior, I see them, I guess its just not as much as an improvement as they think he should have by now.

I need to figure this out. Maybe he needs to be on different meds, maybe he needs a different therapist, maybe he just needs...who knows what he needs. The B.A. seems to think that the therapist should have found out the root of his problems. Yet, I don't even think Ryan knows why he acts the way he does. Its basically the impulsiveness. That leads to the aggressiveness. The B.A. wants a quick answer and I know thats not going to happen, and I've tried explaining that to him. It could quite possibly take years.

At this point I'm just rambling, but I want to get peoples opinions as much as I can. I've been talking with everyone about it. I just don't know the right route to go. And my decision could affect him the rest of his life.

Talk about stress.