Sometimes family sucks

I'm so glad I have family nearby, but sometimes they really piss me off!

Bad mood today. I didn't sleep well last night...had a few funky dreams, plus dreamed about the election. Had cramps all day, and this afternoon I swore I was coming down with the stomach bug. Had the chills, and stomach cramps, and really thought I would have to pull my bus over and puke. It totally stinks when I feel shitty yet still have to be "patient" with 30 kids all under the age of 9.

So then I got home and my youngest brother was here. He started in about Christmas. Last year my SIL decided she was staying home and ruined everything. Normally all my siblings and I get together with our significant others on Christmas night. We just chill out and relax. Last year we didn't because of my SIL, and really, I could care less right now what happens this year.

My big thing is family. I purposely have stayed in Ct so that my kids and myself can have the benefit of a close family. But right now, it seems as if I'm the only one that wants that. My 2 younger brothers could care less, and while I don't necessarily want to see them several times a week, I told my brother that I thought we could all get together every other month for dinner or something. Just to see each other and stay in touch since everyone's life is so busy. And he told me I was expecting too much! WTF?

And okay, if anyone is short of money, Christmas isn't about gifts, but I guess because its something I would do, and HAVE done, I make a gift. Less expensive, and more meaningful. Again, from what I'm told, I'm expecting too much!

I just don't like feeling that I'm the only one that cares enough to spend time with my family. I want my children to have more. My sister and I along with my brothers were all born within 5 years, so its not like there's a big age difference. And while only 2 of us have kids, even if I didn't have kids, I would still want to see everyone. I know I can't expect everyone to want what I want, but why do only I think that family's important?

Maybe I need to just fuckin' move. At the very least, by choice, I want to spend Christmas alone this year.