Day at Court

Finally I got this day over with! Tuesday morning I was so nervous, I literally felt as if I was going to get sick. Of course, it didn't help that at the same time I was having problems with Ryan at school. First I'll mention Ryan. Ryan had let me know a few weeks ago that he likes this certain girl in his class. And he also told me that he had told a few people in his class. During school on Monday, in gym class, they were playing dodge ball and a boy in his class that he doesn't get along with told him to cheer for this certain girl. Ryan was embarrassed and told this kid he was going to kill him. These days in the world we live in, obviously what he said falls into the "zero tolerance" category. So, this happened around 1pm. I was home, with the phone by my side until 2pm and there wasn't a call from the vice pricipal. I had a very busy afternoon, and didn't get home with the kids till almost 7 and there was a message from the vice pricipal telling me what happened and that he was suspending Ryan for the last 2 remaining days of school. I was pissed! And why didn't he call me right away!

Obviously Ryan saying that can't be tolerated, but at the same time, the last two days of school there was a step up day planned along with the class party and saying goodbye to classmates for the summer. Ryan didn't get to do any of that. Unfortunately, that alone is going to affect him for the entire summer, and I'll be the one dealing with that.

Fast forward to Tuesday morning. The vice pricipal calls me at 7 am to tell me what happened. He tells me that "his classmates were encouraging him to cheer for the other kids". Um, no. From what Ryan says, this boy was teasing him because he likes this girl. So, I get extremely upset on the phone and tell him that I feel the other party needs to be spoken to, because teasing is supposed to be against the rules. Plus, no one knows how Ryan said what he said. The vice pricipal basically took the word of the other student and not Ryan. Obviously I know what Ryan said can't be tolerated these days, but at the same time, they know he has problems and they know he's getting help for those problems. There could have been another way of dealing with this, considering it was the last few days of school. But basically the vice pricipal told me that if there aren't significant changes in how he acts, he may not be allowed to return to school in the fall!! Plus, in regards to this incident, I told the vice principal that Ryan has no way of following through with his threat, if it was a threat. Didn't matter. His school seems to have it in for him.

Anyway, court. We got there 10 minutes early for our meeting with my attorney. He shows up, we discuss the new details going on, and we wait for the B.A. to show up. Everyone is called into the courtroom, and yet, still no B.A.! There's roll call, we go back out to the hallway to wait for our turn with mediation and here comes the B.A. After he notices I have an attorney with me, he goes into defense mode. I ask him why he's late and he says he was running late (once again!) and that he can't find his attorney! WTF!? Well, we think he's bluffing and still to this point I feel he was. Because mediation called us, and even though the B.A. had filed pro se, he claims he was waiting for his attorney. So mediation gave him 1/2 hr to "find" him. We watch him go in and out of the elevator, in and out of the courtroom, on and off his cellphone. Obviously, he was bluffing. He felt threatened, and tried to obviously get someone at the last minute!

Finally mediation tells him that he filed pro se, and that we couldn't wait around forever, so how about meeting with me and my attorney and see if we can come up with an agreement. Well, the B.A. starts yelling about how he doesn't want to get screwed again, right in the middle of the hallway with people all around. He got so animated and loud that someone had to tell him to back off! He finally agreed to meet with mediation and my attorney, but refused to meet with me in the room. We came to an agreement too. We agreed to every other weekend, Saturdays from 9am, till Sunday 2 pm. He agreed to let me keep sole custody if I agreed to send him copies of any school papers, medical papers, etc. And we both have the 24 hr cancellation rule. Thank goodness. Now I just have to hope that he actually moves to NC next summer so I won't have to worry about sharing holidays. (although I've circled all his dates for the next year, and it does't conflict with any special days)

Its too bad really though. I felt like at times I was being regarded as the bad guy. As far as the state of Ct is concerned, it doesn't matter whats happened in the past. Doesn't matter that my little boy is quite possibly having problems because of his B.A.'s role of gliding in and out of his life. Doesn't matter that I don't want my children exposed to his wife, who had her children taken away by DCF. None of it matters. Time and time again at court, I was reminded by mediation that he could have gotten more visitation than we agreed to. Maybe I would have felt differently about all this if he had been in their lives all this time. But I don't feel a biological parent can be absent from his children's lives for 8 years and then suddenly have an interest in being a "co-parent" Something just isn't right about that.

People sometimes make me feel as if I'm a cold-hearted bitch, but thats not the case. I simply want to protect my children. I truly feel that this visitation is in the "best interest" of the kids, but I would need to "prove" it, and if I can't, HE gets all the rights. How screwed up is that, considering I'M the one thats taken care of them all these years?

Anyway, thats how it went. Again, in book form. Can't seem to write a short post anymore. Probably because I write so infrequently. But.....last day of school was today!! I'm free, free, free!

So, I'll try to be around more often. Either that, or quit all together. Only time will tell.