The end of my blogging days

So, I've decided to stop blogging. For quite awhile now, I've felt that I can't truly write what's in my head because of who's possibly reading. That in turn, causes me to resent blogging. I should feel free to write what I want, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I keep it bottled up inside. In addition to that reason, I don't very often get comments. Most of the time that doesn't bother me, but when I really feel I need feedback of what I post and don't get any comments, there's really no reason to write.

Since I'm laying it all out on the table, I'll write about a few things that are bothering me.

About a month ago, I sent a letter to an old friend I haven't really been in touch with for about a year. It was extremely hard for me to write this letter, and I lost a lot of sleep over it. I realized at that point that I needed just to get it sent out. This old friend and I have had some disagreements in the past and I didn't know if I would get a response at all, but I had to try. Early on in our friendship we had gotten in a fight and hadn't spoken for awhile. Several months later she contacted me. Writing this letter, sending it to her, trying to reach out, made me realize how hard it must have been for her to reach out that first time. And I was hoping she'd understand how hard it had been for me to send this recent letter.

I just received a response today from her, and honestly I don't feel she "got" what I was trying to say. But I tried. I tried and I failed, but at least I can't ever regret not trying. And I'm sad. From how I understood the email, she doesn't really want to stay in touch past the christmas card exchange, etc. Several times a week, I want to just pick up the phone and talk to her. Hear about her life. It makes me realize that we weren't as good as friends as I thought. And I couldn't help but feel defensive on her reference that I "end it without anymore hurtful or passive-aggressive insults". I've never tried to insult or be hurtful. I stated specifically in my letter that I didn't want to be hurtful. And I certainly didn't insult her in the letter. I was expecting the response I got, but was hoping I wasn't going to get it. And I did. But at least I tried.

The other thing thats been bothering me is this. I sent a gift to another blogger out there and didn't even know she received it until I emailed her. One of the gifts I made myself, took me hours to make, and I put alot of thought into it. The thing is, it seems to me, when a blogger receives a gift from someone, they'll post it somehow on their blog. Post a picture of it or something. And don't think that I wanted that to happen to get more people to my blog or anything, its just that if she truly liked it, she would have posted something about it. And nothing. Just makes me feel like shit. Here I made something from my heart, put hours into making something special for her, and it wasn't even appreciated. Granted, not everyone likes handmade things, but they should at least acknowledge receiving it. Makes me feel stupid to have sent it, and to have gone to the trouble to do something nice.

So, why bother. I'm not perfect, never pretended to be, but I try to be a decent human being and it gets me nowhere. People apparently don't like me in real life or blogland.

For the people who have come here to read my ramblings, have occasionally commented, thank you. At this point in my life I need to focus more on me. On my family.

For some of my favorite blogs, I'll continue to read. A very limited list. For right now I may keep up my weightloss blog, so if you're interested, I'l post occasionally on there. As it is right now, I only post once or twice a week, but may eventually close that one down as well.

Sorry I couldn't have stuck around for longer.

First day of school

Another school year beginning. I'm glad to be back to work, the kids are glad to be back at school even if they tell me otherwise!

Ryan's in 6th grade this year. So far so good with his behavior. He's informed me that he knows he's going to get way too much homework. And he's in disbelief that when he's given a book report to do, that he'll only have 2 weeks instead of a month to do it! Oh, yeah, and recess is shorter...go figure. I don't have the heart to tell him that its just going to get worse...lol

Emilie's in 5th grade. She has the same teacher that Ryan had last year. She's enjoying it so far! Of course, the year is young. She's been so moody though. I think she needs more sleep.

Matthew's in 1st grade this year. He likes his teacher, and has a few friends in his class, but informed me that he wants to go back to kindergarten. He's not liking how he'll get homework, and I think he was concerned that a few friends who aren't in his class stayed in kindergarten. I had to explain to him how they just have different teachers!

Molly's in kindergarten. I drive them in my bus to school, and I'm lucky enough to do our neighborhood. She got off the bus with no problems. A little hesitant, nothing unusual. When my bus was empty and I started to pull away from the school, I got all teary-eyed. My baby started school! She's made quite a few friends too. She has very few shy bones in her body...probably due to being the youngest of 4 kids. Half days for her through tomorrow, and then its on to full days for her. I already know she's going to flourish!

And now for some pictures. Chris was the one that took them, so I'm apologizing in advance...lol I've also added a few other first day photos to flickr, so check them out!