Its the weekend!

Had a good weigh-in this week! Go here to read about it!

This week sure has been a long one. My previous post about my airport experience has me cringing. I couldn't stop laughing about it on Thursday night, and now I go to my blog, and say "what was I thinking? That was soo gross!" LOL Anyway, I'm leaving it up though, to remind myself what not to write about!

We're on the 2nd Saturday of having Ryan and Emilie home, and while I'm glad they're not with the B.A., its strange having them here. Ryan's been having a hard time keeping his hands to himself, and I'm really starting to resent having to deal with it. I mean, I love my kids to death! Ryan is an especially challenging child though. There's something going on with him that I need to get figured out pronto. This morning, he's been swearing at me, throwing things at his siblings, and then when I sat him down with me at the table, he drew this upsetting, disturbing picture of himself and I, with him holding a gun up to me! This scares me! I second guess myself at my parenting abilities, and yet wonder where his behaviors are coming from. The other kids aren't like this. I know that every child is different, and I shouldn't compare, but how can I not? What am I doing wrong? Why is he feeling this way? I'm becoming more and more concerned the closer he gets to being a teenager. His behavior isn't a new thing. He's going to counseling for it. He's going to be referred to see someone else. He's presenting more ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) signs than ADHD. More often than not though, they go hand in hand. The B.A. has ADHD and he told me while at court last week that bipolar disorders also run in his family. I just want to make Ryan well again. I hate to admit this, but its dealing with Ryan that makes me so frustrated. Kids aren't perfect, thats for sure, but I just don't feel like I can keep doing this. The older he gets, the stronger he gets. He was suspended from school last week for twisting a kids arm behind his back. He knew it was wrong, but impulsively did it. He regrets it after the fact, but doesn't think before he acts. He's been arrested. He hasn't done these things because he's learned them from us.I can't help but wonder what people think of me as a mother. I care so damn much what happens to my kids, and how they act, and I'm doing all I can at the moment to handle the situation. But do other parents think that I encourage him to act this way? Do they think that I treat him this way, and thats why he treats others badly?

These days no punishments are acceptable. You can't put soap in your childs mouth for swearing. Forget spanking. We've already been involved in D.C.S. because 2 years ago Ryan told his teacher at school that Chris hits him with a belt. We've never even threatened to hit him with a belt. I was hit with a belt as a child, and refuse to punish my kids that way. But, regardless, they take the child's word for it, and have to report it. They were involved with our lives for a year. But the power he now knows he can hold over us! I punish my kids up and down. We take away toys, take away everything from the t.v. to the computer, to yu gi oh cards, to gameboys. They get b-day parties taken away from them. They're held responsible for their actions. I don't know what more I can do. There are good days, but the bad days outweigh the good. And then on top of it, I'm handling it most of the time on my own. Because of Chris' schedule, I'm the main parent doing all this. It gets so overwhelming. Is it no wonder that when I'm PMS'ing that I crumble?

I didn't mean to write all this, but so be it. I obviously needed to get it all out. I'm not a bad mother, I know I'm not. And I guess some would say that "God wouldn't give us more than we could handle". But, damn, no one ever told me parenting would be this hard.

A quick trip to the airport

It should have been that easy. Chris' flight from Vegas was coming in tonight at 6pm. I figure it was perfect timing..... if I could keep the little ones awake on the way there, they'd fall asleep on the way home. If I didn't run into any traffic I could make it home for Survivor, The Apprentice, and E.R. Perfect, I thought.

I should have known better.

The first that should have clued me in was while on the phone with my brother. I was setting up things for watching my nephews tomorrow, and I mention I'm driving to pick Chris up. I get from him "don't you know its supposed to start snowing anytime now?" "Yeah, well, I'm sure it won't be that bad" I tell him. I didn't even know it was going to snow!

Second thing.....Chris calls me from his layover in Maryland to tell me that his flight is running an hour late, due to the snow, and having to de-ice the plane, etc. He'll be arriving at 7pm. Still not a problem...I can make it back in time for my favorite shows.

Have I told you how much I hate going to the airport? Well, I do. The kids and I pile into the car with time to get gas and coffee. First mistake....coffee. A woman who has had 4 kids and doesn't practice her kegels should not drink coffee unless close to a bathroom. Even before we got to the airport, I had to go. But... we were running on time, and if timed right, Chris would be walking out of the airport as I pulled up. So, now its snowing, I have to pee, and I find the right place to park in front where the signs say "No parking, no waiting...yada yada yada" And I wait. The security guard comes my way and tells me I need to circle around. I circle back around, getting oh so lucky to find another parking spot, and we wait. And wait. And wait. For over 1 goddamn hour we wait~! By this point I've assumed that Chris' flight was delayed yet again. I'm squirming in my seat because I have to pee so bad. The kids are fighting about the gameboy and Matt is whining that he has to pee! But see, I'm handy like that. I just happen to have a bottle that I whip out for him to go in. But can I do that? Nooooooooo... I'm lucky enough to be a girl!

So I'm looking into the airport windows (from my car) and noticing there are people by the baggage return. And I'm thinking... okay, I'm praying that its Chris' flight. But here comes the good 'ol security guard again. "Ma'am, you need to circle around" Darn, I was so close to leaving!

Okay, ready for TMI??? I circled back around but because I had to PEE so bad, I wasn't paying attention, and with the snow and all, I went to the terminal B waiting area. I figured it out fast enough though because it was deserted! Perfect. I couldn't wait any longer. I had debated in my head whether it was worth it to go park in the parking lot and take all the kids out (in the snow!) to go inside to pee. But that would be when Chris would come out. So anyway, I pulled over to the side of the vacant terminal B, threw open the door, emptied my coffee cup, and did it. You know how hard it is for a girl to pee sitting down? Its one thing to squat on the ground and do it, but I really didn't have any options. Needless to say, I didn't get it all in the cup! LOL So, now I'm sitting in wet jeans in my wet seat driving around to the proper "waiting" area for find Chris. By this time it was 8:30! Yup, missed Survivor.

Turns out, right as I drove back Chris came out the door and flagged me down. He had been in that group of people waiting for their luggage! I missed him by 30 seconds!

We finally headed home. By this point the roads were horrible and we still needed to get Chris' car from the commuter lot. I hate driving in the snow! It took us almost 2 hours to get home, and by the time we got to the commuter lot, I had to go again. This time I angled the car so I could go outside. In the snow. Wearing wet jeans. I tell ya, I can't wait to do that again!

Got home at 10:30. I should have been home by 8pm. I missed all the shows except for the last 1/2 hour of E.R. Since we already had 3-4 inches of fluffy snow I decided to shovel. I'm nuts like that. Russ is bringing my nephews at 7:30 tomorrow morning, so I wanted to at least make it "not so deep" for him. And I'm just eating my dinner now. What a night!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday! (And sorry for the TMI, but I just had to write about it!lol)

Now that I've gotten hello up and running again, I thought I'd post this. Myself and my nephew, Russell! He's 2 months younger than Molly, and he's the ringbearer in Jen's wedding...isn't he cute? 

Back to our regularly scheduled program

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who commented on my post for disappearing for awhile. I had a major case of overload and pms. And as much as I enjoy blogging, I needed to put myself and my family first and put this blog on the backburner for awhile. I would like to thank you also for all the well wishes for Christopher and his mom. Chris is doing much better today. He had a little scare with his blood count #'s yesterday that indicated rejection but he started improving and has started waking up a little more. He's improving more and more with each passing day. In the coming weeks a dinner benefit will be in the works for him and his family. Donation jars are being set up and all sorts of stuff being worked on. The support has been amazing!

Now on to stuff going on around here. I've completed day 1 of "hell". Which means Chris left for Las Vegas early this morning for work and won't be returning until Thursday night. While this in itself isn't a big deal, because I'm used to dealing with them on my own during the day, the nighttime/bedtime routine plain sucks. I'm normally wait for Chris to get home from work so he can help me settle them in for the night. Tonight I flew solo. And it wasn't so bad. Emilie is spending the night at a friends house so I only had to handle 3 kids. I managed to keep the little ones from napping in the car so they were ready to zonk. I had Matt and Molly in bed by 9pm, and turned off the t.v. Ryan read a book while I picked up, and he went to bed peacefully at 10pm. The only other thing about these few days is that I have no one family-wise to help out either. Mom is in South Carolina, Jen is working all week, and my brother and SIL have the hospital stuff to deal with.

A funny thing Molly said the other day. It was Saturday and her and I were making dinner, and I was waiting for Chris to get home. I wondered out loud where he was. And she said "well, maybe he got lost in Vegas" I started laughing and told her he wasn't going for a few more days ,and she still was concerned that he got "lost". Apparently, she thought it was Lost Vegas instead of Las Vegas!! She really can be too cute!

My supervisor at work watches Nanny911. Its funny because she's 40-something without any kids, yet went out of her way to help me set up a behavior chart. She bought posterboard, reward stickers and markers and crayons for each child to decorate their own chart. We have chores listed, a "rules" list and a "punishment" list. They get a sticker on their board for every day they do their chores and have to follow the rules. So far its going okay. I keep slipping up, but on the flipside, the older kids are basically doing their chores without me even asking. And if I have to remind them, they do them without complaint! The hardest part has been curbing the physical stuff. Hitting, throwing, kicking. I keep reminding myself that it didn't get this way in a day and its not going to be fixed in a day either. My kids are sweet kids though (if I do say so myself) and they really want to behave, and really, no child is perfect.

I think I've touched down on every subject tonight...lol The kids and I are home this week on winter break, so I might be around more often.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday!

Surgery went well!

Christopher made it through the surgery! No complications and everything went smoothly. His new liver started working right away. Although he's definitely not out of the woods yet, he's one step closer to making a full recovery.

As of this afternoon he still hasn't woken up yet. The surgery was completed around midnight last night and I guess they're slowly lowering the medication dosages he's been on, to slowly wake him up. He has been responding to touch though, so things are moving in the right direction!

Karen (his mom) is already up and out of bed walking around. Things went completely planned for her, and she'll make a complete recovery. We just gotta hope now that Christopher continues to improve. He still has a long road ahead of him, but he's made it this far!

Update on Christopher

As I write, (its almost 1pm) Christopher is in surgery receiving a new liver.

Thursday after tests were run it was found out that Christopher's liver was working 30 %. By Friday afternoon he had internal bleeding, and while in surgery to repair it, the surgeons found out his liver was no longer working at all. The surgeons took a break, and then removed his liver. We were told he could survive without a liver at all for 72 hours. Last night 3 possible donor livers were found in the U.S. and by this morning all were found to not be suitable. Yesterday after taking out his liver, his Mother was prepped , after determining she was a match, to be ready if needed. Because Christopher is in critical condition they decided to go ahead with the living donor liver transplant, instead of waiting any longer for a anonymous donor. The surgery will take a total of 9-14 hours.

Christopher's chances of making it through the surgery are 50/50. We're praying that there are no complications and that he comes through this.

Please pray for him!

Court

Court went well! The B.A. actually had the $800! Sucks because I didn't get to see him incarcerated, but at least I'll receive a nice sized check next week. We go back to court in April to find out what goes on with his workers' comp case, and when or if I'll get the arreage paid off! I'm not counting on it, but ya never know. The B.A. told me how him and his new wife are going down south this week to check out housing prospects. This means I may actually get rid of him!

The good and the bad

I'm going to make this a quick update. Still have alot of stuff going on here, but it always seems that when I don't have the time or ambition to blog, there's actually something to blog about!

First the good. Today is Ryan and Emilie's birthday! 11 years ago today I became a Mother for the first time at the age of 19. Ryan was born weighing 6lbs 8 oz. 10 years ago today I became a Mother for the second time. Emilie was born weighing 6lbs 9 oz. I was a Mother of two by the time I was 20 years old! Yes, they have the same birthday! It seems like yesterday (of course), but yet it seems so long ago! But still, I'm young to have kids that are almost teenagers..yikes! Happy Birthday Ryan and Emilie!

Now the bad. Seems to be alot of that this week. Chris' Grandmother passed away on Monday. She was 87, and unfortunately died of a massive heart attack. Family has flown in for her funeral on Friday, and its been a sad time for his family this week. His Grandmother was a wonderful woman. She was one of those little old ladies that didn't hobble around with a cane..she had so much spunk! Seven years ago when Chris and I married, she was the one to catch the bouquet! My brother was the one to catch the garter (and only 20 at the time!) He actually put the garter on her leg, and she was hooting and hollering and getting the whole crowd going... it was hilarious! She was awesome, and will be sorely missed!

This other thing that happened is very scary. My SIL's brother, Christopher, is going to be 11 yrs old tomorrow. He and Ryan get along pretty well, and to be totally honest, we see him often enough that he's considered family. Turns out since last weekend, Chris has been sick with the flu. This past Sunday his Mom took him to the clinic, where they gave him some anti-nausea meds because he hadn't been able to keep any food down. The Doctor neglected to tell his Mother that the meds needed to be taken no less than 12 hrs apart. She gave him another dose and he began having seizures. He was rushed to Yale Children's Hospital here in Ct, where they ran tests trying to figure out what was going on. Although I don't know the entire story, I believe he had an adverse reaction to the meds which caused the seizures. Yesterday as he was standing up to get dressed to be discharged, he had another seizure. They kept him at the hospital and ran more tests and came to the conclusion he might need his appendix removed. Upon further testing, it was concluded that it wasn't his appendix but his liver! Serious stuff. He was transported to a hospital in NYC, where more testing was done. It was found out that one of the arteries leading to the liver was abnormal and has been since birth. The dehydration started the symtoms. His liver is damaged. He's in the I.C.U. and in critical condition. It was determined today that he'll need a liver transplant! This has been very scary for the whole family. Since he's only 11 yrs old, they still need to decide if he's a candidate for a live donor liver or if he'll have to go on the transplant list. In the meantime my SIL has been going back and forth to NYC, with my brother taking care of their two little boys. Both my Mom and I have been helping take care of them as well. I can only imagine what Christopher's Mother is going through right now! Please do me a favor and keep Christopher in your thoughts and prayers!

The only other thing going on is court tomorrow. I'm hoping to either get some $$$ or see the S.O.B. go to jail! Should be an eventful day. Of course, my Mom will be watching Molly along with my 2 nephews so I'm hoping it won't be an all-day affair. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So, thats my not-so-short update. Hope everyone's been having a good week!

Just for awhile

I'll be taking a break from this blog. I've been feeling overwhelmed in my life and just plain blah. Nothing much interesting happens anyway. I might keep my weightloss blog upated, which you can find in my profile. Anyway, I'll be back at some point.

More stuff

Today I went with my Mom to A.C. Moore to look around for bridal shower ideas. We found quite a few things.. and I must say, I love that store. I could wander for hours just looking at things! Her and I are still going back and forth with ideas for favors...any ideas? I want something a bit different, and not cheesy. Meaning I don't want to do the candies in tulle or anything. And all the ideas I'm finding online are so generic. I just don't know.

On Thursday I'm going with Jen and Mom to pick out a tiara to go with her gown. And her gown is in! Very exciting.. I can't wait to see how she looks in it! She's going to be gorgeous! The bad news is that we're supposed to get a Nor'easter on Thursday. The snowfall totals keep changing, but last I heard, we're in for 6-12 inches! I'm just so ready for winter to be over with. This past week we've been getting into the 50's and its been sooo nice. I hate to have to go back to the snow now that I'm 2 feet from the blizzard is almost gone. But hey, thats what I get for living somewhere where it gets cold!

I'm getting antsy to go back to court next week. I'm preparing my "speech" for the judge, because I want to be prepared if the B.A. comes in with only $500, and asks that they accept that instead of the full $800. No way baby! I'm sorry, because even though $500 is better than nothing, he was ORDERED to pay the full $800. So if he doesn't have it I want his ass in jail! They'll keep him in there until he comes up with the rest.

My posts are always full of mish-mosh. A little of this, a little of that. Another weird thing that happened. I seem to be thinking of things that totally don't concern me right now. With Jen getting married soon, they plan on trying for a baby within the next year. Her fiancee travels for work and she works nights as a nurse. Its already a known fact to me that I'll be watching my niece or nephew whenever I can get my hands on him/her, but why do I think about these things? lol I told my sister that when she goes back to work, if Roman is still working the same job (he hopes to quit at some point because of the traveling) that I'd watch the baby overnight, take him/her to work with me, and keep him/her till the afternoon so she has time to sleep. Yeah, I know...very weird considering she's not even pregnant yet (and that would be a whole 'nother story) And to think, my thinking of this subject was set off just by seeing a baby in a parking lot! LOL I think it must be because my babies are growing up. And I miss the pregnancy part. If I could have another baby and keep it in the no backtalking/cuddling stage, I'd be all set. I just don't want to have to raise another one. And... I can't handle another.

Now, before I start sounding too wacko, I think I must go now ;)

the weekend!

I am soo glad its the weekend, people. This week was a little wacky as usual, and I did try to write a post yesterday, but alas, it didn't work. Just the regular juggling of school, work, and gym time. Doesn't make for much time at home. Unless I count the afternoons after work where we have to do dinner and homework, baths and shit, I wasn't home until Thursday!

Today I brought Matt and Molly to "Fun Day" at the elementary school. It was alot of fun! The event is totally run by Dad's.... no Mom's in sight... (working the fair anyway). There were lots of cheesy little games that small kids like to play, and it was cheap too! Got lunch for the 3 of us for $4.oo and that included drinks and dessert! Can't beat that! For every game the kids play and hand over 3 or 4 tickets to, they get the same amount in "money", and then they can spend the money. That was the worst part though... they really need to get a bit more organized on that aspect. It was nuts.... kids pushing to the toy tables... and everything was so cheap that i basically scooted my way in there to spend the money as fast as I could so we could leave! LOL

Today the weather is gorgeous! Last time I checked it was 50 degrees outside. I want the kids to go out and play, but because its so warm out, everything is slushy and muddy and wet.

I started a new blog for my weightloss! Go here to check it out! I figured I might as well make a new home dedicated to my weightloss since I ramble sooo much about it! I'm going to eventually, within the next few months, get some "before" and "during" pictures up. Of course, I need to get the digital camera first ;) Its on my list.

Anyway, thats all thats new around here. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Odds and Ends

Nothing much going on around here, as usual. Molly just came to me, held up her drinkable yogurt and said "Mom, this is my beer" Okaayy... don't know where she got that one from, considering we rarely drink beer! lol

Otherwise, I'm hurting. I went to the gym yesterday, for the first time in a week, and spent almost 3 frickin' hours there! Did 30 min eliptical, 30 min treadmill, some of it jogging. Jen and I spent the rest of the time doing some "different" exercises with a 12 pound medicine ball, and then some lunges,etc with some 5 pound weights. Can I tell you..I have muscles hurting that I didn't even know existed! Inner thighs, outer thighs, front of my legs, back of my legs, my arms, front and back, shoulders, and my butt! I think this is the first time I've actually been sore in the backside. I'm whining and complaining, but really, I *almost* like the hurt. At least I know I worked said muscles. Just hoping when I go back to the gym tomorrow, I hurt a tad bit less!

Mom and I finally decided on a bridal shower site! Have I mentioned this? Don't remember, but now that the deposit is down, we can start working on the finer details. Games, prizes, decorations, and favors.

Sunday we went to dinner at Jen and Roman's house. I measured out all my food, kept the portions controlled, and did really well. Until dessert. Roman made this oreo mud pie stuff, with all sorts of crap in it. Sugar, cream cheese, butter, pudding, cool whip, and of course, oreos. I didn't have that much, but calculated the WW points totally wrong. Then some was sent home with us, and I've been having a spoonful here, and spoonful there.(Put the rest in the garbage!) I don't want to screw up the week, but when I get to the point where I don't know what the points are for whatever I've eaten, I want to throw the whole week away. Just binge until weigh-in, and start over again. I'm trying so hard not to do that though. I can't let one food get me off track so easily. I seem to yo-yo back and forth so easily. It should be second nature to me now, but it isn't. Its a daily struggle. I hate it sometimes. Yesterday at the gym, I saw another WW member, who's been a lifetime member for many years now. She still goes to meetings twice a week, and told Jen and I how great we're doing. When she asked me how many pounds I had till goal, and I told her 38, she told me it was too much! I'm going to have to wait and see on that one though. I just can't see the next 25 pounds taking care of all my "trouble spots". I don't know..... at this point, I'm just rambling.

On that note, I should get something done around here. Hope everyone's week is a good one!