6:15 am

You know, I didn't remember that at 5:30 am, it was still completely dark outside! Last night I stayed up past my "bedtime" to fill out all the forms and permission slips the kids needed to bring to school today. I had a hard time getting to sleep. Forgot to buy nyquil to help me out in that dept ;)

But now its a little after 6 and I'm ready to go! I don't need to leave the house until 6:45, so I'm hanging out until I need to leave. Chris mentioned to me that he needs to go into work this afternoon since its month end. I actually told the guy to go in early. Because really...I'm not going to get anything done when I come home this morning to a quiet house if he's sitting there watching t.v. or playing video games! lol

The kids are all excited , I'm all excited, and I think it'll do all of us good to get back into routine. The only thing that stinks is that I won't be home to do all the morning preparations. I won't be able to do the girls' hair, straighten out the kids' clothes and give them a kiss goodbye. (but Chris will be armed with the camera!)

But on the upside, I'll be home by 9 am, with the entire morning stretching out in front of me. Steph, I'll be giving you a call this morning...I couldn't find my address book yesterday to call you back! My house is utter chaos, I'll be cleaning away all morning!

Have a great day everyone!

Close enough to touch

Today is our last day of summer vacation. School starts tomorrow..yay!!!! This morning my alarm was set for 7 am and I dragged myself out of bed. How am I going to wake up at 5:30 tomorrow morning??? I woke all the kids up early as well and now its 8 in the morning, and I'm dreading this last day.(tons of fighting!)

We're headed out to the store this morning to buy last minute supplies. I'm dreading taking all 4 kids, but I didn't get all my errands done on Sunday so it just needs to be done! Today will be busy but hopefully it'll fly by. We need to pack backpacks, lay out clothes, and have an early bedtime...my favorite part!

****OMG, the fighting has started already! And its only 8:30! Please give me the strength to get through this day!

Decisions, decisions, decisions

This past Wednesday while at our therapy session at Rushford, Ryan's therapist threw a curveball at us. She told us (after him being there for 2 months!) that she doesn't think this program is enough for him. He's not progressing like he should be and seems to be "stuck". She actually told us that he seems to be stuck just like Chris and I. So basically, because we aren't solving our conflicts that he isn't either. I don't deny that our relationship may be hurting his progress, but I also feel that if the program was working for him, he'd have more progress than he's had.

I definitely don't expect miracles. I knew that Ryan's problems have been years in the making, and that it would be unrealistic to expect a quick turnaround. But at the same time, he's spent 5 days a week, 3-4 hours a day at this place. Therapy everyday, group and one on one. I personally think that if the program is as good as its supposed to be, he'd be making more progress.

Then his therapist recommended that we volunteer through DCF for a program thats more intense and longer....9 months to a year! First of all, I really don't want to be involved with DCF unless I have to be. Several years ago the school reported our family to them because of false accusations that Ryan made to a guidance counselor at the elementary school. Completely false, but it didn't stop DCF from being involved in our lives for a year. We finally got past it and I don't want to be involved again.

Also while meeting with the associate principal at the middleschool, and making plans with him for 6th grade for Ryan, it was suggested as a possibility that Ryan be listed as Special Ed. He'd be able to get more services through the school and have more support. I'm just as against that,because I don't think he should be classified that way. He's an extremely bright child, just has a problem with peer relationships. And we all know kids can be cruel. And its something that would carry through till his senior year in highschool. I just don't think its the route to go.
But I have made plans to meet with the 6th grade team to discuss Ryan and possible problems that might come up in the year. I've suggested to the principal that he meet with Ryan every Friday to go over the week and offer him some positive reinforcement. Ryan's also old enough this year to go the rec center afterschool. He already knows he'll be able to go based on his behavior at school, and getting homework/projects done. And...as far as his progress reports...he's always been one to get "needs improvement" on dealing with others, respecting others feelings, etc... so we're going to work with him to get that mark up to "consistently". I plan on rewarding him some way, still need to figure that one out. But I'm trying.

I feel like I'm doing all I can to help my child yet I'm failing as a mother. I'm unsure what to do about Rushford. He's supposed to be going for another month, but if its not helping then why should he go? Why should I spend $120 a week for him to miss school and go to this place where he's not making any progress? On the other hand, I don't want to pull him out without a backup plan. I think possibly that this place isn't right for him. Maybe he needs a different therapist. Maybe this, maybe that. I just don't know. Also the meds. Is it the meds that is improving his disposition or the therapy? There are some good changes in his behavior, I see them, I guess its just not as much as an improvement as they think he should have by now.

I need to figure this out. Maybe he needs to be on different meds, maybe he needs a different therapist, maybe he just needs...who knows what he needs. The B.A. seems to think that the therapist should have found out the root of his problems. Yet, I don't even think Ryan knows why he acts the way he does. Its basically the impulsiveness. That leads to the aggressiveness. The B.A. wants a quick answer and I know thats not going to happen, and I've tried explaining that to him. It could quite possibly take years.

At this point I'm just rambling, but I want to get peoples opinions as much as I can. I've been talking with everyone about it. I just don't know the right route to go. And my decision could affect him the rest of his life.

Talk about stress.

Guess what?

I practically kissed the guy who delivered my camera to me today! I'm so thrilled to have it back. I figured with it taking such a short period of time, that it was probably something silly and I was right. The shutter was stuck. Who knows why, but it was replaced, so hopefully no more problems.

On that note I have some pictures to share.

Molly's new haircut! The kid looks like she's headed to kindergarten now. Or first grade for that matter!


My pumpkins. Unfortunately they didn't get big enough for jack-o-lanterns, the biggest being about the size of a cantaloupe. But, next year I'm planting the gigantic ones! Notice the dying foliage? I'm afraid to cut them off the vine, just in case they start to rot before Halloween!


My cantaloupes. This one is the biggest in the garden. Notice its mostly green yet is starting to grow the rind, or I guess "they" call it webbing.


Here's another one, but smaller. No webbing yet, its still growing.


I have a total of 9-10 cantaloupes in my garden. All at different stages, but so far they're growing without any bugs getting to them. I can't wait to taste them!

Thats all for now. I'm going to try to organize my pics on flickr since they're all over the place!

Randomness

Alot going on, alot coming up. In no real order.

• Had my start-up meeting for work this morning. I'm the lucky recipient of 20 extra kids. My boss was kind enough to add on another 8 stops to my already good-sized load, and for my middleschool run I'll be the proud driver of almost 70 kids! 3 to a seat, baby. God, give me strength!
• 9 a.m. tomorrow morning (why so early?!) Molly has kindergarten orientation. She's very excited, I'm beyond excited, and she even has the same teacher as Matt had, so I know Mrs. G is very excited as well.
• For my last batch of pics I had used my sister's camera, but just got the email from Kodak today that my camera is fixed and on its way home! I have so many pictures I need to take once I get it back.(hopefully by Friday)
• Tomorrow afternoon Chris and I meet with the associate principal at the middleschool regarding Ryan and his return to school. I'm going to do my darndest to stay calm!
• This morning while only Matt and I were up, he was watching the disney channel, and told me " Mom, they keep showing the words of the day, and I already know them." It was just so cute how he said it. This kid has gone from 1 to 100 in the reading department. One day he was struggling to read, the next he was sounding everything in front of him out, and now whatever he comes across, reads out loud without any hesitation. He's just getting so big....he's going to do awesome in first grade!

Anyway, thats all I can think of for now. Just doing the getting ready for school stuff and trying to stay sane through the numerous temper tantrums and fights because they are bored and ready to go back.

One week left, thats all. I can handle that.

A little bleary-eyed

With the summer sleep schedule totally messed up, involving the sleeping-in till 9-9:30, we've been having problems getting the kids back to going to bed early and waking up early. Nothing new, but it is hard to get the kids in bed before 10pm, when they wake up late in the morning. Personally I'm most concerned about Molly because she still climbs into bed with us and with kindergarten right around the corner, she needs to get used to the early rising. Last year, if she didn't get enough sleep she'd just take a nap in the afternoon on the bus, and I'm hoping to avoid that this year.

I'm just barely awake. Its 8:15am, Chris woke Molly and I up at 7:15 and its taken me an hour, 2 cups of coffee and making a batch of muffins to become awake enough to write this post! I know this is the hard part, and it would have been easier for me at least if I had gone to bed before 1am this morning, but if I can just get through today, I can go to bed early tonight. Molly woke up surprisingly easy but I know come late afternoon the shit will be hitting the fan!

How hard is it going to be for me to start getting up at 5:30 am? I'm so not looking forward to that part of it. There are the positive sides though. Once school starts, by 9 am, I'll already be done with my morning bus run, and I'll be back home, with all the morning still left. Its just hard getting to that point. And I'll be working on changing the other kids schedules next week. I can't wait! lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for the comments on the last post. I was really impressed with how my garden grew this year. The yellow squash is coming to a close, and cucumbers are almost done. I still have the cantelopes growing though. That was the best surprise. I really didn't think that they'd grow. I picked alot of easy things to grow this year, throwing in the cantelope last minute to just see what would happen. And I have about 4 that are a good size. The outer rind is starting to grow on them, so I'm hoping they make it all the way without bugs invading or anything. Should be interesting to see. I was also asked how I cooked my squash. I usually just steam it with a blend of spices I have and then spray a little ICBINB on it. I don't like to mess with the tastiness of it too much. For next year I definitely plan on expanding my growing space. And what I grow. And the plan is to donate the extras to the local food pantry.

I just need to figure out where I'm going to expand to.

I just might have a green thumb after all

114_1422
Originally uploaded by amyx7620.

Check it out! Proof that I actually grew something in my vegetable garden. This beauty was hiding under leaves, until we picked it of course. Isn't it huge!? I cooked it up, and despite its size, it was extremely tasty.

Random pictures uploaded last night to Flickr, go check them out!

2 weeks from tomorrow school starts

And I cannot wait! The kids have been fighting since they woke up, and driving me crazy. I haven't gotten a call yet about my start up meeting for work, but I know I will soon. I also just got a letter in the mail the other day saying that all schoolbus drivers with a CDL need to go take a test. A refresher, I'm assuming at the DMV. Not looking forward to that one. The thing is, I know how to drive a bus, but its the details. Kinda like driving a car, you know how to do it, but basically drive without thinking about it. Does anyone really remember how many feet your car needs to be behind another car at a stoplight? Not me, and I'm betting no one else remembers either. So, thats basically the same thing with a bus. I automatically stop a certain distance from a stop to pick up kids, but do I measure the distance with my eyes, and tell myself how many yards away I need to stop? Nope. Looks like for the next few weeks I'll be studying, since I have till the end of September to that this damn test.

Otherwise on the homefront, there's not much going on. Ryan's been doing travel soccer for several years now, and just found out yesterday that he's on the "A" team. Which is a good thing, considering thats the team for the best players. He's very excited about it. We did follow through with taking away his weekend plans for getting into trouble, so hopefully he's learned a lesson.

Oh yeah, and today is Chris' and my 8th year wedding anniversary! Can you believe I almost forgot?? I can't believe its been 8 lonnnggg years...lol, just kidding of course. We've definitely had our ups and downs, and still do.

I'm still glad I married him though! No plans as of yet for celebrating, but I'm hoping we at least get out for dinner or something.

Thats all for now, have a great day!

A little daunting

Tonight We started school supply shopping. $39 later, we have paper, markers, folders, highlighters, pencils, and pens. And thats just for Ryan and Emi. They both still need binders, notepads, and colored pencils. Ryan still needs a calculator. Then its new backpacks for both the little ones, although besides new lunchboxes, I don't need to buy supplies for them... the elementary school provides them.

Then there's school clothes. For 4 kids. Definitely not cheap, although at this point I'm not too worried, because the first few weeks will be warm (or hot enough!) for them to wear their nicer summer clothes.

But, it adds up. And I never think it'll cost as much as it does to outfit everyone, for their bodies and the classrooms.

Then there's the bills. I need to find my car tax bills that were due on the first of the month. I want to get it out of the way, because our car registration will need to be renewed right before Christmas. More money for that one too. Oh, and lets not forget the $2,000 bill I'll be receiving soon for Ryan's treatment at Rushford. And yes, thats after insurance.

And then of course, there's Christmas. 4 kids. Again, not cheap.

I have checks to deposit so its just a matter of paying the bills and buying the stuff. But until then its just a tad bit overwhelming. ( can't wait to go back to work! lol)

Anyway, just my normal rambling. Have a great Monday!

Bit the bullet

I finally did it. I brought Molly to get her hair cut...and she looks soooo cute! So much more grown up. Shoulder length and so much more healthy looking. It was time. Her cute baby hair was getting split ends and didn't look good at all. But now it does.

Pictures coming soon!

I don't know what to do

To give a little of the story first, I'll tell you whats supposed to be going on this weekend. Ryan has been going to Rushford for his behavior, etc.. He's met a boy there, same age, and they get along really well. I'm thrilled with this because Ryan doesn't have alot of friends, mostly because of his behavior. This boy does live in a different town, so chances are, after he leaves Rushford, they might not keep in touch. But for now, Ryan has a friend he talks with on the phone, etc. For this weekend, his friend had invited him to go to Six Flags and sleepover for this boys birthday. And Ryan wanted to go. I let the B.A. know that Ryan wouldn't be going for his visitation and Ryan's been really excited.

Now here's my dilemma. This morning his therapist called me to let me know in "program" yesterday, while during free time, he punched another kid in the stomach. He had also brought a gameboy to program, which is against the rules. Nevermind the fact that I took away his gameboy for the rest of the summer. Somehow he got his hands on Emilie's old one, and brought it to Rushford with him. So, what should his punishment be?

I'm torn on this one. On one hand, I know without a doubt that he shouldn't be able to go this weekend with his friend to Six Flags. But its killing me inside. Like I mentioned, he doesn't have alot of friends, and he's been looking forward to this for weeks. He normally doesn't get to do this extra kind of stuff with friends, or with us for that matter. (due to time and money). But I also know that he would "suffer" with this punishment and that it might actually impact him, and teach him that he can't do special things and hurt people.

One of the things he's been working on at Rushford is being aggressive. He really has problems with peer relationships. I was feeling optimistic because he hasn't been physical towards anyone at Rushford for over a month. And I feel as if it was looking positive that he wouldn't be physical towards anyone at school. And school really is the problem. If his behavior doesn't get straightened out this summer, he's not allowed to go back to the middleschool. And here it is, 5-6 weeks into him going to Rushford, we have a bill coming to us for almost $2000, and its almost as if there's no difference in his behavior compared to earlier in the summer. It almost makes me wonder if all this therapy isn't working.

As much as I would love to see Ryan become a "normal kid", I know his behavior isn't going to change overnight. And its not that he's not normal, its just that he's way too physical. I know kids learn by example, but here at home, we don't punch, kick, push,etc.. He has been diagnosed with ODD , and children with this are really more difficult to handle. Ryan is no exception. Not that its an excuse.

I've really gotten off track here, but really its just my dilemma. Can anyone think of a different punishment I could use, or would you agree that taking away this weekend is the right thing to do?

I just don't know what to do!

Dammitdammitdammit

Tonight while Ryan was at soccer practice, I brought Matt and Molly to the playground located at the school. Right next to it was a track, and because I had binged on triscuits earlier today, I thought I'd do some walking.

After the first time around, I decided to throw a little jogging into the mix. The first couple of times I jogged I was ok. Managed halfway around the track, then slowed to walk. Then did it again.

I don't know if any of you remember, but back in the spring I had quite a bit of trouble with my hip. I might have written about it in my diet blog, can't remember. Anyway, my hip has been okay for the last couple of months. Might have been because I hadn't been doing any strenuous exercise, but regardless, it really hurts now. Obviously the jogging did it today. I was warmed up from the walking, but it just feels like I tore something in there. I'm limping, I'm in pain, and need to find a solution for this, because I really want to jog. My regular Dr. told me to just take it easy and I have and that seems to have helped, but I want to jog!

Chiropractor maybe? I don't know. Maybe go back to my regular doc and demand an x-ray or something like that? Gonna have to figure this one out.

Adding a little craziness

When at the fair last weekend, we lost Molly. Very scary moment, although it was for only a minute or two and she was smart enough to stay right where we left her. And we were lucky enough for another mother to have calmed her down and stay with her until we found her.

Tonight we went to the concert on the green in town. It was a little thing for the "class of 2018",(omg!) and after the concert all the little 5 and 6 years old that were present, posed in front of the town hall with the principal. There was a pretty big crowd surrounding the group of kids, and I told Molly to go in between some legs to get to the group of kids. After I sent her through, I moved to a different spot because I couldn't see. Turns out she went back into the crowd looking for me, and I wasn't where she had left me! Although I didn't technically lose her this time, her poor little 5 yr old face was so sad and teary, I practically cried myself.

Seems lately, wherever we go, I'm having to ask constantly, "where's Molly?", just to make sure she doesn't go out of my sight again. And to boot I feel like a horrible mother for letting her get lost in the first place. I'm feeling that I need to tie her to me, just so that she doesn't wander off! Either that or have 4 sets of eyes on my head!

I think I'll stick close to home for the rest of the summer. Safer that way.

In my joke-of-the-day email today

Ways to Tell If You Have PMS:

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-###-####.
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
Inanimate objects get on your nerves.
You're counting down the days until menopause.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
You dump the pretzels out of the bag, and eat the salt.
While simultaneously eating a gallon of ice cream.
You cry at commercials one minute, and contemplate assault the next.


So true.

Definition of August

August: The month where the household falls apart because the kids are bored. Its boring to play outside, and its boring to do anything else that I might suggest. Summer isn't fun anymore, thats for sure. I'm at least in the mindset where I can't wait to go back to work, and yet, I don't want to stop sleeping in!

For us, school doesn't start till the 31st, and I can't wait to have a few hours to myself each day.

Today, Matt and Molly were sooo bored they decided to make their own fun! While I was in the livingroom pulling everything apart trying to find the reason for the rotten smell (and I do clean, go figure!) Matt and Molly were in the kitchen doing what I assumed was spraying the floor with glass cleaner and wiping it down with paper towels. Harmless enough. And I would get a clean floor to boot!

Until I actually walked into the kitchen. And almost fell.

Turns out they were cleaning the floor with dish soap!! And having great fun slipping and sliding around on it! It was everywhere! Swirly pink streaks all over my floor. Right then Chris walked in the door from work, and I warned him just in time to watch his step.

I had quite the time figuring out how to clean it. We sent the kids to bed, even though they should have stayed to help clean it. But really, it was a huge mess ,and they would have just made it worse! First we used a few towels to start wiping it up. Chris wanted to put them in the washer afterwards to clean them. Can you imagine the mess that would have made?!?!? I was already envisioning the bubbles flowing out of the washer. So, he rinsed the towels in the tub, and I went to work, first with the mop. After realizing it was going to take me a good 20 min. to rinse the bubbles out, just on the one time, I switched to a washcloth. On my hands and knees, section by section. Wiping once, rinsing, wiping the same section again. It took me a goddamn hour to clean it up!

2 workouts in the matter of 3 days! I worked up quite a sweat!

Looks like I'm going to have to find something creative for them to do for the next 3 weeks! (Btw, never found the rotting smell... I think it might have been Chris' shoes! lol)

Pooped

Such a long weekend! My tag sale was a success!

I woke up at 6 am Saturday morning to start setting things up. Jen came over by 6:30 and we immediately started organizing things. My SIL Cyndi had come over on Friday with some of her things, and at 7 am Sat morning called to tell me she wasn't coming! Turns out her boyfriend threw out his back and she needed to stay to take care of him. I wasn't too happy about that. One reason why my sister was there was in addition to helping out, she was also putting out alot of her own things. And I told her if she didn't come that I was going to split her profit with her. Not that it was about the money, but putting everything out for a tag sale is hard. Its very physical, and I wasn't about to do all the work myself while everyone else sat at home and made a bit of money. So, needless to say, I did end up selling Cyndi's stuff, and gave her the money for it. I don't have a backbone really. Its hard for me to stand up to people and I'd rather just keep the peace. Alot easier that way.

Anyway.... like I was saying, we did really well. We were practically all set up by 7:30 am and leaving Jen in charge, I took off to put up all the signs, and stop in at WW to weigh-in. (lost 1.2 btw) We were practically busy all day, and I made over $100!!! Jen made $65 or so, and Cyndi $45. Not bad at all! I even got rid of many things I've been holding onto for a few years. We have about half of the stuff left, a few boxes went to goodwill and everyone's going to weed out their houses a bit more, and we might have another one next month.

So, I spent the rest of the afternoon packing stuff up, fed the kids, and when Chris got home we headed out to a local carnival. That was alot of fun too! We ended up getting the kids the wristbands instead of the tickets. Can you believe it was a $1 a ticket!?!?! All rides were 2-3 tickets each. But with the wristbands, the kids rode the rides over and over again. We finally left there by 11pm. What a full day! I was exhausted!

Today we did absolutely nothing. Too tired. Apparently with this yard sale I got the best workout that I've had in a long time. My entire body hurts! Every part including my butt! lol

Gearing up

For our once a year tag sale, being held tomorrow. I don't really want to do it. I'd much rather sleep in. But I'm just going to get it over with. Tomorrow night we're going to a local carnival, in which we'll probably spend the money that we made from the tag sale...lol

I'm trying to clean the house too. Weed everything out. I'm watching my 2 nephews later on today and then we're all going to BK to play in the air conditioning, and then to the beach. Thats the plan but we have a chance of thunderstorms late this afternoon because of the cold front coming through (thank goodness!) Yet another reason to have the tag sale tomorrow...the weather should be in the cooler side, at least.

Okay, thats my update for now. I need to start bringing boxes up from the basement for tomorrow morning. Also my "workout" for the day. I'm sure I'll sweat buckets too!~

Average August Day

Back to hot and humid, which can be expected, since it is August. Chris is home today, so I'm trying to get motivated. Trying to do something before noon. I need to run to the store , and I must make it to the post office to send out my camera. Don't know why I haven't done it yet. I'm a little afraid of sending it out and having the repairs not fall under the warranty. I don't have a clue what happened to it, and afraid I won't have the money to fix it if the repairs are billed to me. Regardless it needs to be fixed though, so I'm sending it out.

Don't know whats up with the animals around here lately. First it was the coyote although I never saw it. Then yesterday I was sitting on the front porch and a fox ran across the road and started rolling around in the neighbors yard. The reason this is so interesting, is because we do have wild animals around, but we don't usually see them in our neighborhood. In this section of town there aren't alot of wooded areas. Mostly just alot of residential streets with houses everywhere. On the other side of town, where its more woodsy, and where I drive my bus route, I'm always coming across something. I've stopped for deer to run across the road, stopped for turkeys to cross, along with the fox etc.. My BIL suggested that because of all the summer people here (we live close to the beach), that the animals are getting displaced.

Otherwise, not much going on around here. Now that its August and the kids start school on the 31st, I feel like I'm getting into school mode, although really, we're only halfway through the summer. And any mother knows that these last few weeks are the ones that really drag. LOL
At some point this week I need to buy Ryan and Emi backpacks from L.L.Bean. They're loads are getting heavier now that they're going into 5th and 6th grades, and really, even though the price is a little steeper, I figure they'll last for several years. Which would make it worth it. Also, if there zipper breaks or something else happens, they're under warranty. Makes more sense than buying a $15-$20 backpack every year.

K, I need to get motivated here. Can't spend the whole morning on the computer! Hope everyone has a great day!

On the loose

This morning while getting my mail I noticed there were a few police officers parked on the road. One of them pulled up into the driveway, and I walked over and asked if I could help him.

He told me there was a coyote roaming the neighborhood and because he noticed me outside with the kids, he wanted me to be cautious. He asked me if we had any food out that might attract it and told me this coyote was just hanging out in the grass at the moment and seemed friendly (?)

A coyote!

I never did see this coyote they were talking about, but I did keep a close eye on the kids and told them to keep their eye out for a "big dog" and told them it wasn't friendly.

My only question is : Do coyotes eat small children?